I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Just puked most of my soul out..
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
