youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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