Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
