It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
It was like giving head to a cactus.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
