We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
