i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
