I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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