i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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