Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
