I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
