The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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