if only i could text you this smell
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
