What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
