if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
