are you so shy because you have an std?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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