im drinking this country out of the recession.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
