Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
