My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
We are all done wearing pants today
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
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