i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
