I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
it's not cheating when I paid for it
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
