just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
