oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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