ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
