You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
