I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
