who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
