I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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