Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
sarcasm needs its own font
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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