im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
