Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
My vagina just clenched in fear
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