someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
