also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
