My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
