my phone needs a breathalizer
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
