Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Randomize
