My nipple is on Facebook.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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