If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
