I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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