dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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