what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
