To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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