I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
