Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
