Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
