He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I want to fling myself into the sun
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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