im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
