Me too!
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
