I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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