my vag is so smooth its legendary
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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