"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
My dick has a subreddit
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
