U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
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