If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
God I need to hump something, right now.
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