Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I'm both gender and math confused
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
