I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I stole a fireplace last night.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
