Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
we're so committed to being not committed
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
