apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
