You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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